Where have you gone, Gary Coleman? The Golden State turns its lonely eyes to you. ... David Spade's new movie explores how the fate of kid actors often reflects the dysfunctional American psyche.

NEW YORK--You take the good, you take the bad... As the TV themesong goes, you take them both, and then you have the facts of lifewhen it comes to casting vintage child stars.

David Spade had to face those facts when he tried to round up old-time faces for his latest film, "Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star,"opening Friday. "It's a sad day when you get turned down by theactress formerly known as Tootie," Spade laments. "Shaun Cassidy andthe Fonz also turned me down. J.J. Walker just said no."

Maybe they couldn't fit it into their schedules?

"What schedules?" says a sarcastic Sam Weisman, who directed themovie, which serves as an homage to those who obsesses on "Nick atNight."

Spade's new movie spoofs the phenomenon of being a hot property asa child and then a nobody as an adult. He does this affectionatelybecause truth be known, Spade has a soft spot for those who live onfor eternity in reruns.

"Come on, when it comes to role models, you can say great artistsor your parents, but the truth is the Fonz was the coolest," Spadesays. "I was so into Fonzie that I wanted to grow up and be a 40-year-old high school guy living in an attic apartment. I even had thehots for Joanie, and I liked the flirting with Mrs. C. It was such alittle soap opera."

Spade laughs and says that while growing up in Arizona, he evenimitated a Fonz moment where the leather-clad one "jumped the shark."

"Remember on the show when the Fonz jumped several garbage cans onhis bike?" Spade says. "I went outside on my 10-speed and tried to dothat and nearly landed in the hospital. "I downshifted into justsaying, 'Sit on it' and 'Heeeeey!' Sadly, it just didn't drag in thegals the way it did for the Fonz."

Playing Dickie Roberts, an obnoxious, confused, unemployed childstar, might not work with the babes, either, though it could be goodbox office. He got the idea after talking to fellow comedian FredWolf.

"I'm very honest with myself," Spade says. "No one is going tocast me in the lead of 'The English Patient.' I can't play everypart. I know I have limited range."

But playing a former child star who can't find work or a life?That was something Spade could do.

"The idea formed when Fred called me up one day and said, 'Dude,are you watching this VH1 "Behind the Music" special on Leif Garrett?It's wild.'

"A few days later, I called him and said, 'What's up with CoreyFeldman? He's still wearing a black fedora, and it's 2003,'" Spadesays. "At that point, with Leif and Corey on our minds, Fred juststopped and said, 'Dude, why don't you play one of these guys in amovie? You know, mid-30s, angry at the world, still living in the'80s, former child star experience?'"

It was Wolf who came up with the plot idea that Spade's Dickie isup for a Rob Reiner movie where he would play an adult role--his onlyshow-biz work in years. Reiner (who plays himself in the movie) fearsthat Dickie doesn't have any normal human emotions and maybe heshouldn't cast him.

To fix it, Dickie rents a family plus their two kids, moves inwith them and tries to figure out what it means to be a regular guy.

"It's a broad comedy, but sweet in parts. I tried to avoid thesweetness, but it's nice because it's not intentional," Spade says.

So which actual former child stars showed up for cameos? Well,there's Willie Aames, Danny Bonaduce, Dustin Diamond, Corey Feldman,Leif Garrett, Emmanuel Lewis, Maureen McCormick, Barry Williams, plusa few other surprises.

There were many ego struggles on the set. "We have a poker scenewith a bunch of them, and it was a case of 'Hey, you're on Nick atNight and I'm not,'" he says. "Three or four of these child starshave a band now. So they're throwing CDs at each other. There weremany snipes because the ego is still there."

Did they care about making fun of themselves onscreen? "A lot ofthem were scared of it," he says. "I think they trusted me and knewmy humor from 'Hollywood Minute.' Mostly I said, 'We're going to beeasy on you. Sympathetic.'"

Spade was into creating a "We Are the World" type of song withdozens of the "stars," which runs over the film's credits. (Hint:It's the best part; do not leave the theater until the credits arefinished.)

"We just needed a big stupid song. I just made calls, and thechild stars showed up," he says. "You're suddenly in a room withRerun [from "What's Happening"], who is still so happy, upbeat andfun. He's still having a good time with it all. We had Lucy from'Dallas,' all the Brady boys and Marcia swearing in this song. It'sjust perfect."

Spade feels bad for some of the former luminaries. "It is a bitsad," he says. "We wanted the movie to be funny, but it gives you aninside look at how crazy it is to be famous young. I have my ups anddowns at this age, and it's hard enough for me. Plus, you have tofigure anyone who is in show biz, well, something is wrong already.You're kind of dealing with shaky ground. When things go wrong, itjust freaks you out.

"I can't imagine dealing with the pressure as a kid," he says. "Isee why child stars get screwed up. You give Macaulay Culkin $8million when he's 10. You have everything you want, and there isnowhere to go."

Despite his years on "SNL" and "Just Shoot Me," Spade hasexperienced some hard knocks. "Leaving 'Saturday Night Live' wastough for me. You need to have a job to get another job in thisbusiness," he says. "I think I'm funny, but it doesn't really matter.You have to be in the right place at the right time. Luckily, 'JustShoot Me' happened and I had years on a hit sitcom, but my careercould have easily gone a much different way."

But the recent cancellation of "Just Shoot Me" hurt him. After allthe years on the air, NBC put the series finale on a Saturday and letthe series die without fanfare.

"It was a tough ending because last season we did everything NBCasked us to do," Spade says. "We wanted two seasons to end theseries. With the new writers, the show had new life. All of us werewalking around saying, 'This is really fun and great.' And then NBCdidn't put us on premiere week last year.

"We needed to get our footing, and then the next week NBC replacedus with 'In-Laws.' The following week, they flipped our time slots.The next week, we were pulled for baseball. So we knew that no onecared.

"We had a big finale, and as a cast we cried," he says. "I heardthat the [last] show was on last week and no one knew. No onewatched. It makes me really sad, but that's the entertainmentbusiness."

Spade, 39, was born in Birmingham, Mich., and grew up inScottsdale, Ariz., with his two brothers. It wasn't an easy childhoodbecause his father left when he was young.

After studying business at Arizona State University, he decided totake his smart mouth and try it out in Hollywood. Spade did standupuntil he got his big break on "SNL" in 1990. Movie roles followed in"Coneheads" (1993), "Reality Bites" (1994), "Tommy Boy" (1995),"Black Sheep" (1996), "8 Heads in a Duffel Bag" (1997), "Loser"(2000), "The Emperor's New Groove" (2000) and "Joe Dirt" (2001). In1996, Spade left "SNL," and in 1997, he got the role as Dennis Finchin "Just Shoot Me."

Spade's next career move is uncertain. He's thinking about anotherseries. "I'm not against it," he says. "I'm the type of guy who justsees where things go.

"I'm a comedian. I have to be doing something because I'm not goodat sitting around. I didn't work this summer, and it drove me crazy,"he says, adding, "My God, I sound like one of my former child stars!"

Distributed by Big Picture News